Reading Jeremiah 31....listening to, rather. I love my audio bible. My eyes are bleary and dry and yet I can be fed with the word. As I listen I am reminded that even in our sin, God loves us. I am so flawed. I don't feel flawed, I know I am flawed. I bumble and stumble through nearly every day and yet His mercies are new every morning. What a crazy truth. How easy it is to point the finger of injustice away from myself, yet forgiveness is so hard to offer. And yet. And yet He is forever there, waiting and longing for me to see my mistakes and embrace me when I distance myself from him in my sin.
God is so very good. His word reminds me of this every time I read it. Problem is, I have lately forgotten to make time to do so. Literally, I forget. It started with a day that was slammed with appointments, so I ran out of time. Then another. I mean, I don't remember the exact progression of events, but somewhere along the way I got "too busy" and "too tired" to work it into my schedule. Eventually I literally forgot to even try to make time. I began to suffocate and flounder, desperately scratching for the surface and fighting to breath.....and all the while the one life saving thing I needed I was shoving to the back burner.
I have begun making it happen. It is a process. It is still so busy every day, kids are sick, appointments to make, therapies to do....you name it and it is probably on my list. But I am making sure my daily feeding through the word gets done.
Jeremiah 31 also mentions marking guideposts....subtle words God used to remind me that the kids and I have intended for a while now to post verses throughout the house for memorization. Satan is constantly trying to distract us, keep us just busy enough to keep a distance between me and my Jesus. He has been far too effective for far too long. Not anymore. We are gonna buckled down and strive hard to regain our footing.
I still can't sleep. I am exhausted. But I intend to sign off and talk to my Savior for a bit, just me and him. No requests, no pleading or whining....just me remembering, choosing to thank Him for his gifts one by one until I drift into a sleep. I kinda hope I stay up long enough to get even a small portion of my heart out. :)