Wednesday, January 29, 2014

In Which I Post Nothing About Meatballs

I am a passionate person. There are very few things I am lukewarm about. In my world it is black and white, but often that black and white may look very different to different people and I love and encourage that. I truly do, and I don't presume to know where God has led others.  My passions cost me friends, usually because I am too passionate on my personal Facebook page. There are only a few heart mommas that have stuck around because I share mercilessly the info I learn about vaccinations (I am a little "passionate" about that subject and can get a little, ahem, lippy about it too). I have peeved people for pointing out, as politely as I can, that their car seats facing forward before a year old or installed improperly can be deadly (we were T boned by a drunk driver many years ago so the whole "it won't happen to us" or "you kids survived in less" argument is kinda lame).  I have gotten into lengthy conversations over circumcision, gun control, birth control, name it and I have not only discussed it but discussed it passionately. I have lost friends over it, some I was shocked to lose, some that I wasn't surprised at, some in a very nasty way with no forgiveness offered. I admit it, I can be bold to the point of blunt and sometimes downright nasty. Passion can cloud our judgment and words sometimes. I am likely the worst offender, and I have apologized more than once in my life. 

I became befuddled, solemn, withdrawn. I ached because my intention is never to offend, but I also don't want people to live under misconceptions or false information. I was hurt because no one thought that maybe there was more going on behind the scenes in my own life and to offer grace. I was jaded because so many of opposing views scream "Respect us! Don't judge me! Freedom to choose!" yet they disrespect, judge, and limit freedom to others. I was utterly lost.

I ran back to my Jesus and I hid in His Word, the only friend who would never abandon me and the only truth that is guaranteed. Wow. I found immediate comfort, and shortly thereafter I had enlightenment about my passion.  When I started my Facebook account I used it as a ministry, a way to spread the Gospel, to be passionate about my Savior. Now? Now I am spreading my passion about everything but Christ. How quickly the world takes our eyes off the things that are eternal and distracts us with things that are so temporal! 

In fact, Satan is so talented at swaying us from keeping our eyes on Christ that he has consumed me lately with his distractions. I have found myself at odds with my husband because of the choice to focus on his faults rather than his amazing strengths. I have beenriding a  rollercoaster of fear and false peace watching children struggle with their Fontan (our next open heart surgery) and losing their battles with CHD very suddenly and unexpectedly. I have forgotten to see life through eyes of thankfulness and joy and instead have been steeped in busyness and routine.

I don't know about you, but that makes me mad. Really really mad. I want a relationship with my God, to walk beside him and talk with Him throughout the day like the old friend he is. I want his word to be the first thing that comes to mind any time any question is asked. I want my life to be a reflection of Him. And Satan was able to rob me of that, stealing that away from me and my joy with it, because I had allowed him to.

I chewed on that a bit, prayed a lot, and mourned the time I lost with my best friend. 

Then, I began to seek Him.  Hardcore. I can't pretend my troubles are gone. I can't pretend I am any less passionate about my beliefs on everything from buying new vs. thrift to homeschooling to the president. But my focus isn't being put on them or on swaying people to believe the way I do in trivial matters. My focus is on Jesus, pleasing him in all I do, raising my children in His image, sharing what I learn with others who are walking the same scary journey I am, reflecting his glory instead of my flesh, and conveying life-saving information so that people do not spend eternity somewhere God never intended them to be. After all, eternal stakes are far more important than the consequences of whether we eat organic or use coupons. It just is.

1 comment:

  1. You are such an anazing woman and I am and have been in awe of you since the first day I read your blog and every post since that day <3 What a wonderful mother you are to all of your beautiful children <3 But most importantly, what a blessing you are as shining example of what a christian woman is and should be and I want to thank you for that <3